sometimes i wish i didnt have emotions. at least not ones that affect me that much. a mere 27 hours into the weekend and i already feel really stretched for time.

i remember back in the day, while in the throws of an intimate yet difficult long distance relationship, there were many times when either i or she would wish that there was more than one of me. i reflect those sentiments nowadays, but certainly for slightly different purposes.while back then it was about being able to live my life without having to commute 300 miles for tangible love and romance, this is now a matter of multitasking and being able to be everywhere at once, and please as many people as possible.

this was especially true tonight, when i promised to attend Jando’s surprise birthday party almost a week in advance (good friend), and then stupidly invited someone over without even thinking twice about my prior commitment (Lina). it was a lost day either way; if i went to the party, i would be regretting leaving company hanging, but if i didnt go to the party and chose to entertain said company, id be bumming out one of my closer friends because i didnt show up to his party, because of a mistake in time management that i am solely responsible for.

further worsening the entire situation was when i got home. luckily joe (roommate/best friend) rose to the occassion and stepped in for me, but the entire night just felt disconnected. everything annoyed me, or made me impatient. driving in torrential storms in ominous 2-hour bay bridge traffic only exacerbated things. i then realized, at around 2am, that i needed to leave the apartment AGAIN in order to take Luis (best friend @ AAU) home, out on Treasure Island. i can usually drive there and back like it’s second nature to me, but this particular 25 minute round trip seemed like an eternity of eternities.sometimes i wished that i didnt have friends that ran in so many different circles.

it is rather difficult, living in San Francisco, as everybody here is practically from everywhere else, and on rare occassions, everybody gets cobbled together for a grand ol’ time, but not nearly enough to my liking. it is very frustrating, although i know that having too many friends in too many places is better than having none at all. ultimately i shouldnt even be throwing the blame on anybody else’s shoulders other than my own, as i pretty much just need to sit down and keep better track of my fucking schedule.this has easily been the bitterest pill for me to swallow since my landing in San Francisco, and i fully admit that i still havent fully “swallowed” it.

i have never really been able to get a hold of this concept that is time management. either im kicking a lot of ass in school but fucking up socially, or vice versa, or i am straight up disrespecting all of my friends and being flakier than a leper convention, or i am just at home, alone on a weekend night at 3am, wondering why the fuck i’ve been playing Halo for the past 4 hours and have nowhere to go and nobody to talk to.

everybody’s been a pretty good sport over the years, and i havent done too shabby in school, but i basically dropped a 5 year relationship in the process, a casualty of my shortcomings that seems to be getting sadder and more depressing every time i actually sit down to think about it.if someone ever invents cloning, sign me the fuck up, man.

January 26th, 2008 | misc., other, photography